I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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