mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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