You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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