my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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