If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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