by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
