I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
