Whoa Z and x make the same sound
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
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