I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
