she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
i think im in europe. pls send help
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
