bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
