you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
