I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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