what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
