She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
