did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
