i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
