I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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