3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
