I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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