now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
