i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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