I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
