I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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