my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
