never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
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