dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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