my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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