So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
