Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
