When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
