We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
