Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize