New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
