I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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