we have officially lost it.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
And then he peed in my hair
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