I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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