My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
