how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
