Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize