remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
