We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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