when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I think your dad took our porno
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
