I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
