I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
