So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm at about main and main street
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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