What did we do last night that was yellow?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Randomize
