why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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