i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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