Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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