Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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