I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
