I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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