I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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