Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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