You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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