I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
