I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Randomize