Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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