There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize