Three words: puerto rican gang bang
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
