he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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