Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
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