When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize