I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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