please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
